Friday, April 3, 2015

How Could We Have Been So Wrong?

     He's right over there. See? On that hill. You can see the three crosses from here. It's only  been two hours since they put him up, so he's probably still alive. It might take days. God, I'm so ashamed. Here we are, most of us with daggers or short swords beneath our cloaks. After all, we had the city in our hands for two days. The Romans were afraid to come out of the Fortress Antonia for we outnumbered them ten to one. We still could win, you know, if we had the will. But we're too confused to act. Uncertain.
   Look at us. Afraid. Without a leader. They've been killed or captured this morning. We were out-smarted and played for fools. We thought we were so smart. We thought we had all but won. We had the city in our hands and were waiting for Jesus, as the Messiah, to give the word to take out the Romans and their followers. But he didn't. He went back to his  camp in the hills. And was captured late last night. Identified and sentenced  before Pilate, even before most of the city was awake. Some of us tried to rescue him and it was a slaughter. The Romans knew of that plan also, and were ready for us. Our leaders are there on the other two crosses.  Here we are, the remnants, pitiful and watching out for Romans and Palace Guards. Too afraid to approach the cross for fear of being identified. Letting the women do our mourning for us.
   How could we have been so wrong? Oh, I know that Jesus never said that he was the messiah. In fact, when we would bring up the subject in any way he always told us to shut-up and never mention it again. But we just thought he was playing hard-to-get.
    He was always talking and working toward his Kingdom of God. What were we supposed to think? How can you have a kingdom without a king, a messiah? And how can you have a kingdom unless you kill the Romans and their supporters?
    Does this mean that his vision is dead, an idea that is not of God? I refuse to believe that God was not truly with Jesus. I just felt that in my most inner self. Or have we just not understood? Did he really mean that we should love, even our enemies? Should we actually allow those who are unloving and against the God of Creation to live and rule? Even the Romans?  Even Pontius Pilate, the worst of them all, who has killed so many of us?  Is love alone enough to enable us to oppose them?
     I simply don't know. All I know is that right now I'll have to watch my back and join with others who I can trust. Maybe, together, we can figure out what Jesus would have us do, even though he's dead. His words and will are still here. That may be enough. And perhaps it won't be. In a few days, or maybe months, it will be more clear.
    Right now, I'd better leave to a place where I can mourn for Jesus and the dream that has been killed.